Guys! It’s felt like forever since I’ve gotten on here and posted anything very personal. In short, the past four months have been full of ups and downs as my husband and I go through some pretty major changes (all pretty positive to say the least). That being said, I am so incredibly excited thatI am able to finally share my pregnancy with ya’ll, as keeping it a secret made me feel very isolated and disconnected from the world. But now I am back and am so ready to let you all in on my journey. Honestly, there is so much to cover, one video/post is not enough to catch you all up on the craziness of life (literally). It’s definitely been a roller coaster. Between the raging hunger, fatigue, and extreme morning sickness, a lot has changed not only in my body but my weekly routine. Where to begin? Well, I guess I’ll start from the beginning.
On September 19th, 2018 at 4:30 AM, I officially found out the amazing news. I was pregnant! While I got the positive test about 3 days post-when-I-was-supposed-to-have-my-period,the symptoms started atleast two weeks prior to actually taking a test. My hunger was the first to dramatically spike, which made me ditch the intermittent fasting as I simply could not make it past 8:30 AM without eating breakfast (something I haven’t experienced since day 1 of dealing with Lyme). Working out also become increasingly difficult as I felt my energy and strength was going elsewhere, somewhere I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Therefore, as hard as it was to pry myself away from the gym, I decided to listen to my body and stop working out. On top of all this, following a keto diet also became extremely difficult for me, as the morning sickness made me crave carbs, carbs, and more carbs. Only white and tan colored foods were appealing (butter definitely not being one of them). For the first couple of months I struggled a lot with balancing the sickness with eating. Even to this day I still struggle, however, after letting myself experiment with eating daily carbs (sweet potatoes, GF bread, plantain chips, rice, etc…), I now know that despite the thought of meat and vegetables making me want to puke, I do in fact feel better when I eat a low-carb version of Paleo. Throughout the first couple of months I dabbled with exercising on the rower, the assault bike, and elliptical, however, now in days I focus more on movement as a whole, with rebounding and long walks when possible, plus maybe a few air squats and lunges sprinkled in throughout my day.
While a lot has changed in my body and routine, I know what most people are curious about is how I am balancing a chronic illness, specifically chronic Lyme Disease, with being pregnant. I’ve had many inquiries about my concerns on the baby getting Lyme, if I am taking any preventative measures, if any of my symptoms have gotten worse, etc…For all of those wondering, I will definitely be answering all of these questions in my next video/post! As I said earlier, there is so much to coverI cannot simply do it all in one blogpost. However, in the meantime, I did want to step back and take a moment to talk about the miracle that is my pregnancy. As many people that deal with chronic illnesses, the odds of conceiving are definitely stacked up against you. Between the extreme trauma my body has been through, persistent infections, damage to almost all of my organs, a shut-down, disrupted endocrine system, along with my bodies anatomical “abnormalities” (aka heart shaped uterus and extreme cervical stenosis) , the fact that there’s a little nougat inside of me happily growing is quite an amazing thing to think about. As mentioned in today’s videos, I’ve always been one to want kids. However, after getting diagnosed with Lyme and going through the hell that I went through, the likelihood of me being able to have any of my own was very slim, if not, impossible. While it didn’t bother me at first, I struggled a lot with this once I met my husband, and especially after we were engaged. Doubt, anxiety, and depression would fill my mind, leaving me feeling completely desperate. Ultimately, I knew everything was out of my control, and if God wanted me to have children, He would allow it. However, even after acknowledging and accepting this, the subject of having kids was a tough one. I realized, much like all other aspects of dealing with a chronic illness, no one really truly “gets it.” Though I felt like I was suffering all on my own, I knew many females out there struggle with infertility, which is why if God allowed me to conceive, I wanted to make a point of sharing my story. And somehow, through all the tears and anger that I struggled through in the months prior to writing this post, I am here, once again, attesting the seemingly impossible becoming possible. Somedays, I still can’t believe it to be true, until I go to an ultrasound or feel a tiny kick or flutter and my heart is completely wrecked in awe and gratitude that is beyond expression. Overall, I feel so blessed to be able to share this part of my healing journey with ya’ll, so stay tuned because there is much more to come! Below are the two videos I have posted about my experiences thus far with pregnancy. If you have any questions please feel free to reach out.
John 15:5, 8 ““I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.”