Don’t ever judge a book by its cover.
This post is for those of you reading to keep up-to-date on my health status. To put it plainly, if you were to ask how I was doing, I’d probably bluntly answer, “terrible.” Now, I am not writing this post to cause others to have pity on me. Frankly, pity makes me uncomfortable. When people ask me how I am doing, and I answer with “bad,” they instantly say that they are sorry, in which I answer “it is fine.” Because, really, it is fine. I am extremely blessed to have the family God has given me, and the house I am able to live in. The blessings of life continually pour in every day, however, my health itself is at a total standstill. Three weeks ago I met with Dr. Sheryl Leventhal to discuss my PK Protocol, as well as the blood work I would need to have done. We have not heard back from her, nor do we know when exactly we will. Realistically, once we do get that phone call, it wont probably be another 3-4 weeks before I begin my IV infusion. In the mean time, my body is in a state of absolute rebellion. Every bone, joint, and muscle aches, as well as my internal organs and sinuses. Because bacteria get busy with the full-moon cycle, this past week has been especially horrible. When they are active, random muscles in my body twitch, and I get the feeling that something is crawling all over me. My calves swell, head pounds, and stomach aches incredibly.
For those of you who have not seen me in a few weeks or months, sorry, but time has not healed. If anything, it has worn my body out more. I have mechanisms to cope, and sometimes you will catch me in a state of “looking good.” However, whether it was meant to encourage, or simply state a fact, saying “you look great” to a chronically ill person is probably one of their biggest pet peeves. Truly, we could care less about how we appear. We just want someone to see beyond that and figure out why our bodies are so messed up. Looking good, is NOT feeling good, thus the saying “never judge a book by its cover.” Little do people know how many supplements and pills I am on to simply enable me to stand. Ironically, it is usually the times that I am feeling my worst that someone addresses how I healthy I appear…funny how that works.
So how do I get through? Ultimately, it is by leaning on God and His strength alone. I cannot rely on my own strength, and if I did, would never get out of bed in the morning. Learning to incorporate prayers to God throughout my day helps me extremely. During the first few months of my illness, I developed orthostatic hypotension. I could not even sit up due to extreme dizziness, and walking was practically impossible. Yet, somehow, through all the blind trips too and from the bathroom, fainting spells in the living room, and inability to brush my own hair, I was able to get through. Though this symptom is not as prominent now, due to support from a medication, the same can be applied to everything that I do. In the end, when you see me, I pray that you see God. Without Him I would not be able to accomplish anything. This father’s day, praise your Heavenly Father, “for in Him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of His glory.”
2 Corinthians 12:10 “That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
Gabriella
Not sure if this post was a mistake (“summer”?) But regardless, I completely agree. I haven’t gotten better, and people always apologize, but this is the best thing thats ever happened to me. Illness and suffering are transformative, humbling and bring us to the face of God.
Hi Emily, so for some reason my blogger reposted this post that I had originally put up this past summer when I first started my blog, and I am not sure how to fix it. But yes, what you said it so true!